first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
