Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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