i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
