Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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