Umm I'm too high to move.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
