We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
don't judge my taste in strippers
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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