I wish I only lived at night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
