Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
