oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
