So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am one with the molecules
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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