I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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