I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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