Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
