How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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