It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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