Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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