ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
