dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
