Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
