nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
