i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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