New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
