If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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