Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
