Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
