I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
