what day is it and did you see me today?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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