what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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