Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
