i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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