Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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