***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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