Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize