Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was born a porn star she said
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
