Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
