The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
