2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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