U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
