How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
