so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
