he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
