the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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