I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My vagina just recognized that song.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No...this little piggys going to the bar
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize