Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
