Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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