I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
