listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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