he wants to bone in the snuggie
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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