omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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