i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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