im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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