he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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