She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
