You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
