I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
