I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
