When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
