I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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