anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to sanitize my soul.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
