She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
