for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
