Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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