he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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