You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
