so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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