I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
