Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
