Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
