ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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