Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
