you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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