Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you would pick up someone in the library
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
