There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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