Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
