oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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